Take It Or Leave It
by ellsbells10
Summary: A different ending to Bong Intercepted. Math doesn't talk to Lux and convince her to go home. She feels rejected and unwanted. There's some recap of what actually happened to set the stage
1. I Can't Do This

"I don't understand what happened," Cate said, a hint of desperation in her voice.

"You! You happened!" Lux said angrily. "Casey copied my file and spread it around. How'd you even get that anyway?"

Cate sucked in her breath. "Fern, she sent it over."

Lux stalked away from Cate.

"I…I was just trying to help," Cate pleaded, following close behind Lux.

Lux spun around to face Cate. "I don't want your help! I didn't want to go to that school. I didn't want to get unsuspended." Lux shook her head. "And now thanks to you, the whole school knows everything about me and they all think that I'm this gigantic liar!"

"Wait why?" Cate asked. "Lux, why?"

"Because I lied," Lux admitted sheepishly.

"OK Lux, I had no idea that letter was going to get out. I'm sorry, but look, you have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. I…I don't know why you would lie," Cate said, trying desperately to understand her daughter.

"Well, why do you? About dating Ryan. The whole event down there is a lie. Your whole persona," Lux retorted.

"OK, I know that right now this seems like a really big deal, and no, I'm not saying that it isn't, but that letter…that letter was sweet and anyone who reads it would see that," Cate tried again. She flinched as she watched the emotions play across her daughter's face. Everything Cate said seemed to make Lux even more infuriated.

"It's not sweet," Lux argued. "It's sad. While other kids were asking for play stations and Barbie dream houses, I was asking for parents."

"Right, which is understandable because that is what you wanted," Cate said.

Lux stared at Cate. "Right, but no one wanted me. And now the whole school knows that."

Cate swallowed a lump in her throat. She reached for her daughter, wanting nothing more than to comfort the teenager, but Lux jerked away. "Lux…"

"No, don't you understand what I'm saying? Not a single person ever in sixteen years wanted me. Out of all the foster homes. Out of all the parents that stood outside that chain link fence and watched us play, like…like we didn't know what was going on," Lux broke off, fighting back tears.

Once Lux regained her composure, she said, "They picked out kids like we were puppies or cars, but no one ever chose me. Including you. So…so don't tell me that this isn't a big deal or that you understand how I feel because you don't!"

"OK Lux…"

Lux didn't listen. Instead, she took off down the stairs. Cate followed at her heels, pleading with Lux to stop and talk to her.

"OK everyone, time to pull two lucky names out of the hat," Alice announced from the stage set up in Open Bar.

Cate continued to call out to her daughter. "No, Lux, I understand. I do understand!"

"No, you don't! How would you feel if everyone knew your secret? If everyone knew you'd been lying?" Lux cried out in frustration.

"And the winner for a date with Cate is…"

Cate stared in shock as Lux pushed her way onto the stage and grabbed the microphone out of Alice's hands.

"Hey. Hey Portland. How we doing? Having a good time tonight? Crossing your fingers for a date with Cate or Ryan, your two favorite single radio hosts?" Lux shot Cate a dirty look. "Well, actually they're not single. Raise your glass everyone. Congratulations are in order. They're engaged. To each other."

* * *

Baze tried to be quiet as he crept into the living room to get a drink.

Lux flipped the lights on.

"Can't sleep either?" Baze asked, sitting down on the couch beside Lux.

"Yeah, no," Lux said.

"You OK? Yeah? No?" Baze asked.

"Maybe just no." Lux sighed sadly. "You saw the look on Cate's face. After I outed her."

"I know. And I know you. I think, you know, in the past when things got rough, you'd take off. That's your MO, right? You bail. But I can't let you hide out because you're mad at Cate," Baze said.

"What am I supposed to do?" Lux asked.

"Well, I guess you gotta work things out with her. You can stay tonight, but first thing in the morning you gotta go." Baze ruffled Lux's hair affectionately before returning to his bedroom.

* * *

Lux sat outside the radio station, waiting anxiously for Cate. She didn't think Cate would ever forgive her. The look on Cate's face when Lux outed her was ingrained in Lux's mind. She approached Cate's Toyota Prius when Cate pulled in to the parking lot.

"Hey," Cate said.

"Hey," Lux replied, her voice small.

"Uh, I didn't expect to see you here, but, um, I did want to talk to you. About last night. About what happened," Cate began.

Lux breathed a sigh of relief. She'd been afraid Cate would never speak to her again. She smiled slightly. "Me too."

"Yeah, I was up all night thinking about it. Um, I just don't know how many more times I can say that I'm trying. You know, I can only do what I think is right," Cate said. Her voice was strong. She met Lux's gaze. "I didn't out you on purpose. I didn't Xerox your letter. I didn't stick it on your locker. That wasn't me."

Lux inclined her head slightly.

Tears stung Cate's eyes as she looked at her daughter. "But last night, you grabbed that mic on purpose, and this is my career and Ryan's, and I just don't know if…"

Lux's eyes widened. She looked scared for a moment, but quickly reverted to the angry expression she usually directed at her mother. "You don't know if what? Don't know what, Cate?" Lux demanded, struggling to keep her voice even.

"I can't do this, Lux. I mean, not this way. This isn't working. I don't know what else to say to you that I haven't already said," Cate said. She shook her head sadly.

Lux had been expecting to hear the words. She'd known Cate wouldn't forgive her. She'd known she'd gone too far this time. The foster parents Lux had been with in her life had kicked her out for a lot less. Still, Lux stared at Cate in shock.

Tasha had warned her that her birth mom would kick her out as soon as she did something wrong. They'd both been kicked out of their fair share of foster homes. Lux had argued with Tasha, wanting to believe that this time would be different because Cate wasn't a foster mom. Cate _was_ her mom.

Cate's words hurt more than Lux had even imagined. She felt like Cate was rejecting her all over again. Cate hadn't wanted Lux when she was a baby and she didn't want Lux now.

"Look, I know that you have been through a lot in your life and I have a lot to learn about being with you, but right now I don't know how to do this any better than I'm doing it, and even with all of that you still keep pushing me away. You keep leaving," Cate said, her chocolate eyes boring into Lux's ocean blue eyes. "And it just feels like, ever since you got here, all you've done is leave. And if you don't want to be with me, you know, we can call Fern. We can get Baze approved. We can find you someone else. We will figure it out."

But Baze didn't want Lux either. Lux remembered their conversation last night. Baze had told her she couldn't stay.

And there was no one else, Lux knew. No one had wanted her when she was three. No one would want her now.

"Because…I'm just, I'm not a perfect mom, you know? This is my best and at some point, you know, you're just going to have to take it or leave it. It's up to you," Cate told her daughter.

Lux fought back tears as she watched her mom walk away from her.

Cate hadn't kicked her out, but she hadn't acted like she really wanted Lux to stay. Cate's words echoed in Lux's head, torturing her as she walked to school. _I can't do this. This isn't working. _

Lux struggled to regain her composure as she walked to school. She couldn't start crying now. Lux knew if she started, she wouldn't be able to stop.

"Look who it is. Foster Freak," Casey said loudly when Lux arrived at school.

Lux tried to ignore Casey and continue walking.

"Bong Girl," Brynn said, her tone mocking as Lux walked by.

Lux quickened her pace. She barely made it to the bathroom before she lost it. Tears streamed down Lux's face. She locked herself in a stall so no one would see her break down.

Lux didn't know how much more she could take. Neither of her parents wanted her. They'd given her away when she was a baby. At least they hadn't known her the first time they gave her away. Now Baze and Cate knew Lux and they still didn't want her. They didn't love her, she knew.

That alone was enough to put Lux over the edge, but dealing with Casey and Brynn on top of everything else was unbearable. She just wanted to get away from everything and everyone.

Lux didn't know how long she'd been crying for. Her eyes were tired and her head was beginning to hurt. She tried for what seemed like the hundredth time to compose herself. Her sobs died down.

When Lux finally emerged from the stall, she took in her reflection and grimaced. Her eyes were red and swollen. Her face was streaked with tears where they'd rolled down her face. She looked awful.

She splashed water onto her face, trying to get rid of the evidence that she'd been crying. It was no use. The water wasn't helping at all. Lux gave up.

She'd cried her eyes out and anyone who looked at her would see that. There was no way Lux was going to class like this.

Lux took a deep breath before opening the door. Her pace was brisk as she headed for the door. She breathed a sigh of relief when she made it without running into anyone, but as soon as she opened the door she saw Casey and Brynn sitting on a bench in the courtyard eating lunch.

Casey immediately spotted Lux and nodded toward her. "What's wrong?" She asked, feigning concern. "Have you been crying because of your pathetic past?"

Lux felt fresh tears prickling her eyes. She stared straight ahead and quickened her pace. As soon as Lux was out of their line of vision, she sank to the ground. She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms protectively around her. Her body shook as she cried silently.

* * *

"I don't know why I even picked her up dinner. I called home fifteen times. She's not answering," Cate said desperately as she and Ryan left an Italian restaurant with take-out.

Ryan's warm eyes met Cate's. "She'll be there Cate," he said confidently.

Cate bit her lip. "And what if she's not?"

"Then I will," Ryan said. "You know, there's one good thing about being outed. This." Ryan kissed Cate softly, wanting nothing more than to comfort her.

Cate opened the front door anxiously and glanced around. There was no sign of Lux. She looked up at Ryan, fear in her eyes.

Cate set the bag of take-out down on the kitchen table. She looked at the attic stairs hopefully. Her heart pounded as she climbed the stairs.

Cate subconsciously held her breath as she stepped into the attic. She exhaled sharply when she saw Lux's empty room.

Cate sank down onto Lux's bed. She curled up in the fetal position, her body shaking as tears streamed down her face.

She'd lost Lux. They had just gotten her back and she was already gone. Cate had barely survived giving Lux up the first time. She didn't think she could stand to lose her daughter all over again.

Lux hadn't wanted her. The teenager had instantly bonded with Baze, but she'd done nothing but push Cate away.

Cate had faced rejection before. Her dad had left her. Baze hadn't wanted anything to do with her after they slept together. But being rejected by her own daughter was the worst feeling in the world.

Ryan heard Cate's sobs. He found her curled up in a ball on Lux's bed, her face streaked with tears. He lay down beside her and took her in his arms. She allowed him to hold her, but her tears didn't subside.

Cate stirred. She sat bolt upright in Lux's bed. Lux's pillow was wet where Cate's head had been. She'd cried herself to sleep.

Cate slipped out of Ryan's arms, careful not to wake him up. She crept downstairs, hoping that Lux had come home. The kitchen looked just as she'd left it. The bag of take-out was still sitting on the table, its contents unopened. The living room was empty. Cate's last shred of hope vanished when she saw her bed was unslept in. Lux wasn't coming back.

The knowledge made Cate feel hollow inside. She didn't have any tears left to cry.

* * *

Cate stared at the phone. She must have picked it up a hundred times with the intention of calling Baze's, only to set it down again. She wanted to talk to Lux. She couldn't work up the courage to call her own daughter, though. Deep down she knew Lux didn't want to talk to her. Lux had chosen Baze.

Ryan reached for her hand. His warm eyes met hers. "You don't have to take no for an answer. She's your daughter."

Cate nodded dully. She dialed Baze's number. Ryan squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"Hey Cate. What's up?"

"Hi. I was just calling to talk to Lux," Cate said, her voice abnormally high.

Baze's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "She's not here."

"Where is she?" Cate asked.

Baze frowned. "I don't know. I haven't seen her since yesterday morning."

Cate's eyes widened. "Wait. What? She didn't stay there last night?"

Baze raked a hand through his brown hair. "No. I, uh, told her she couldn't. That she had to work things out with you."

Cate sucked in her breath. "Oh my gosh. I told her I couldn't do this anymore."

"You told our kid you couldn't do this anymore?" Baze said, his tone accusatory.

"Not like this. It's just, she keeps leaving. I told her that if she didn't want to be with me, we could get you approved," Cate explained. She sighed as she realized what they'd done. "And you told her she couldn't stay with you."

"How was I supposed to know you were gonna do that?" Baze said defensively.

"What do we do now?" Cate asked desperately.

"We need to talk to her," Baze replied.

"She's not at Baze's?" Ryan asked, his voice laced with concern, when Cate hung up.

Cate's eyes were filled with tears. She shook her head. "He told her she couldn't stay there. That she had to make things right with me."

"Let me get this straight. He told her she couldn't stay with him and you gave her an ultimatum?" Ryan said, his expression grave.

Cate nodded slowly. Her expression was pained. She felt like she couldn't do anything right when it came to Lux. Between her and Baze, they'd made her feel unwanted. Again.

"Her worst fear was that you guys wouldn't want her," Ryan muttered.


	2. It's A Cold World

"Is Lux here?" Cate asked when Bug opened the door.

Without waiting for an answer, Baze pushed past Bug uninvited.

Bug shook his head. "Come in," he said sarcastically, as Baze was already roaming around the small apartment. He shot a dirty look at Baze's back.

Cate shifted uncomfortably in the doorway. Her hands tightened on her purse strap. "Tell her to call me." Her voice wavered, though she tried to sound firm.

Bug's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Won't you see her before I do?"

Cate looked up in surprise. "She's not staying with you?"

"Uh, no," Bug replied. He gave Cate an odd look and reminded her, "She was gonna move in here, but her request for emancipation was denied. She's staying at your place."

Baze surveyed the apartment, looking for any sign that his daughter had been there. "Yeah, we know all that. What we don't know is where our kid is."

"She's not here," Bug said.

"What about last night? Was she here last night?" Baze demanded.

Bug shook his head. He frowned. "Is she OK? What happened?"

"That's a family matter," Baze said.

"If she comes here, tell her to call me," Cate said, her tone pleading.

"I thought we'd definitely find her there," Baze said as they returned to his Jeep.

"I don't know where else to look for her," Cate admitted, her tone defeated.

"Wait, Tasha's back at Sunnyvale, right?" Baze asked.

Cate nodded. "We can't go there, though. If we do, Fern might find out. We could lose Lux."

"Funny, I thought we already had," Baze muttered.

Cate shot Baze a dirty look.

"OK, we'll stake out Longfellow and talk to Tasha there," Baze suggested.

Tasha was one of the first students to emerge from Longfellow. She instantly spotted Baze's bright blue Jeep parked in front of the school and headed for it, excited to see Lux. "Hey," she said, frowning when she saw that Lux wasn't in the Jeep. "Where's Lux?"

Cate leaned her head back and closed her eyes, squeezing them shut to stop herself from crying. Tasha didn't know where Lux was either. Despair washed over Cate as she realized she had no idea how to find her daughter. If she ever would find Lux.

She'd only been in Lux's life for a few weeks. She'd already missed so much. She couldn't stand the possibility that she might not ever see her daughter again.

Baze frowned. "We were kinda hoping you could tell us."

Tasha smirked slightly. "Nope."

"What do we do now?" Cate asked Baze as they left.

"I don't know," Baze mumbled. He raked a hand through his brown hair.

Cate dialed Lux's cell. She wasn't surprised when it went to voicemail. "Lux its Cate. When you get this, please…just call."

"You think she'll call?" Baze asked.

Cate shrugged helplessly. She looked like she was about to burst into tears.

* * *

Baze poured both of them shots from behind the bar. Cate sank down onto a barstool and set her phone in between them. They sat there staring at the cell phone, willing it to ring.

"She's not gonna call," Cate said miserably. She shook her head. "I shouldn't have given her an ultimatum."

"It's not all on you. I told her she couldn't stay here," Baze said, his expression pained. He buried his face in his hands. "I should've known better than to try to be her dad. It backfired big time."

"Lux didn't leave because of you. She left because of me," Cate muttered.

Baze reached for Cate's hand. His ocean blue eyes bored into Cate's chocolate eyes. "You can't blame yourself."

"No? Everything I do is wrong. She doesn't want anything to do with me," Cate retorted. "She wanted to stay here."

"Everything you do isn't wrong. You're a natural mom. You got her into a good school, got her unsuspended. You fix everything," Baze said softly. "I mess everything up."

Cate smiled slightly. "I don't know how to fix this."

"Fix what?" Math asked as he entered the bar. He sat down beside Cate.

"Lux took off. We don't know where she is," Baze replied.

"She wants parents more than anything else in the world. She'll come home," Math said.

"She doesn't want me," Cate said, her voice thick with tears.

Baze frowned. "Cate, she gave Lux an ultimatum and I told her she couldn't stay here. None of her friends have seen her. She's not answering her cell."

"Does she have her cell phone with her?" Math asked.

"Yeah, but that doesn't help us if she won't answer," Baze replied.

"You can call the cell phone company and get her location," Math told them. "I've heard kids at school complaining that their parents do that all the time."

* * *

Lux hesitated outside of Bug's apartment. She didn't want to face him. She didn't want her friends to know that they'd been right. Her parents didn't want her. She'd been wrong. How could she have been so wrong?

There had been signs all along. Bug and Tasha noticed them. Why had Lux ignored them?

Cate had denied her existence on the radio. Sure, she apologized. But in the back of her mind, Lux wondered if Cate had been being honest when she was on air. Cate usually told it like it was on the radio.

Cate accused Baze of trying to fail the home inspection because he didn't want this. _I'm the this_, Lux thought miserably. Of course he'd told Lux she couldn't stay. He'd never even wanted her to begin with.

Lux wondered if that was all she'd ever been to her parents. A mistake. An inconvenience.

She remembered the scene outside the courthouse when the judge released her into her parents' joint custody. _Maybe if you hadn't used a condom that had been in your wallet for two years._ Cate hadn't finished the sentence, but Lux knew how it would have ended.

Lux didn't know which was worse. Baze wanting Cate to _take care of it_, Lux being the _it_ in question, or Cate wishing Lux had never even been conceived in the first place.

Her friends had tried to warn her, but she wouldn't listen. She'd chosen her parents over her friends. She'd chosen wrong, Lux knew.

But she didn't want to hear that she'd screwed up. She just wanted someone to be there for her and tell her that everything would be OK. She knew that for most kids, that person would be their mom. Lux's mom was the one who had made her feel like this. Like nothing. The irony didn't escape Lux. It was so unfair!

Parents were supposed to love you unconditionally, Lux knew. Not hers. It had only taken Cate a few weeks to decide Lux was more trouble than she was worth. Was she so unlovable? What was wrong with her? Why didn't anyone ever want her?

Lux turned around. She knew her friends wouldn't be able to resist saying "I told you so" and she knew that was the last thing she wanted to hear.

Not only did her parents not love her, but she'd alienated the only people who ever had wanted her. Bug loved her, she knew. And Tasha had always been there for her. Ever since they were little girls. How could Lux abandon her friends the first chance she got? Her friends were all she had. Now she didn't have anything. Or anyone. She'd always been alone, but she'd never felt so alone before in her life.

Lux wandered the streets aimlessly. She didn't know where to go. She just knew she couldn't go home. She didn't even have a home to go home to, Lux realized.

Lux swore when it started raining. The raindrops soaked through her jacket. She shivered in the cold. She felt so cold and alone.

Eventually Lux went numb. She was so cold that the wet wasn't making her any worse for the wear. She couldn't feel her blistered feet aching anymore. She didn't feel anything at all. Not even the unbearable pain of not being wanted.

When Lux couldn't walk any further, she collapsed on a bench. The streets were empty with the exception of a few homeless people. No one was out in the storm. Not unless they had no choice. Lux didn't have a choice, she knew.

Lux pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around herself, hugging herself tightly, for comfort more than for warmth. It was little comfort. Nothing could make her feel better. Everything was messed up.


	3. Shelter From The Storm

They spotted Lux instantly. She was a lone figure huddled on a bench as the raindrops pelted her. Everyone else had taken cover from the storm.

Baze only had to step one foot outside his Jeep before he was soaked through. He hurried to his daughter. When he put his hand on her shoulder, she jumped slightly.

Baze withdrew his hand immediately. Lux looked up at him, her eyes wide with fear. When she saw that it was her dad, not a stranger, she breathed a sigh of relief.

"I thought I was being attacked," Lux said through chattering teeth, smiling slightly.

"No." Baze returned the smile. He hesitated before sitting beside her. He could feel her body shivering next to his. "Have you been out here all night?"

Lux nodded. "I didn't have anywhere else to go."

Her words cut through Baze like a knife. He knew Lux honestly believed that. And he knew it was at least partially his fault. He'd told his own daughter she couldn't stay with him.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you that you couldn't stay with me. I never want you to feel like you can't come to me," Baze said.

Lux stared at him. He'd only ever made her feel like she couldn't go to him. He'd wanted Cate to have an abortion. He'd made it pretty clear that he didn't want Lux staying with him when the judge had released her into her parents' custody. He'd failed the home inspection miserably. From what Cate said, it had been deliberate and careless. And then he'd flat out told her she couldn't stay.

Lux shook her head, although it was barely noticeable because she was shaking from the cold. "Don't say that. You don't mean it."

Baze bit his lip. He met Lux's gaze. "I mean it."

"No, you don't!" Lux cried out. "You didn't even want Cate to have me. You didn't want me to stay with you when the judge forced me on you. You made sure I couldn't stay with you!"

Baze swallowed a lump in the back of his throat. "That's not true. I mean, I didn't want a kid when I was sixteen, but since the moment you showed up on my doorstep, I wanted to be part of your life."

Lux snickered. "Then why didn't you change the battery in your fire alarm? Or move the bong lamp? Or…or get rid of the inflatable sheep? You failed that home inspection on purpose. Because you didn't want me to stay with you. You didn't want me!"

Baze made a face. "No. When Fern told us that you could only live with Cate, I was disappointed. Because I wanted to be with you," he said truthfully.

"You couldn't have wanted it that badly," Lux shot back.

"We can call Fern right now and I'll get approved," Baze offered. He could tell Lux was unconvinced. "You know, after the home inspection, I told Cate I wanted to do this and I would do whatever she wanted me to. I meant it then and I mean it now. Lux, I will do anything you want me to. I want to be with you." He smiled slightly. "I'm out here in a torrential downpour because I want to be with you."

Lux smiled. "You're sopping wet."

"I'm sopping wet?" Baze said with a laugh. "Look who's talking."

"I've been out here a little longer," Lux pointed out.

"Let's get you home," Baze said gently. He put his arm around Lux and led her to the Jeep. He could feel her shivering. He opened the passenger door for Lux.

Lux hesitated when she saw Cate sitting in the Jeep. Baze squeezed Lux's shoulder reassuringly. Lux sat down beside Cate.

"Oh my gosh, you're freezing!" Cate said, her voice laced with concern. She turned the heat on full blast before putting her arm around Lux, trying to warm the teenager up. Lux's clothes were literally soaked through.

"Don't," Lux said. She inched as far away from Cate as she possibly could in the tiny front seat of the Jeep.

Cate looked as though Lux had just slapped her. A mixture of surprise and hurt played across Cate's face as she removed her arm. She wrung her hands in her lap. She didn't know what she'd been expecting. All Lux ever did was push her away.

"Have you been out here all night?" Cate asked with tears in her eyes.

"Yes," Baze answered for Lux when the teen said nothing.

Cate couldn't believe Lux had chosen to sleep outside in the cold instead of going home. Lux must really not want anything to do with her.

Lux's hand brushed against Cate's as the teen pushed her wet curls out of her face. Lux's skin was ice cold. Cate stopped feeling sorry for herself instantly, consumed with something more important, concern for her child.

"We need to get you out of those wet clothes," Cate said.

"I'm fine," Lux said coolly.

Cate frowned. "You're not fine. You're freezing. You could have gotten really sick."

Baze pulled up in front of Cate's house. Lux hesitated. She didn't want to go back to Cate's house. Not when she knew she couldn't stay. Cate didn't want her to stay. It hurt too much.

Lux reluctantly allowed her parents to lead her into the house. She was too tired to fight them.

Cate instantly sprang into action. She drew Lux a hot bath and ushered the teen into the bathroom.

Lux waited for Cate to leave before peeling her wet clothes off and discarding them on the tile floor. She sank down into the tub. The warm water felt good against her icy skin. Letting her mom take care of her felt good.

Knowing how good it could be made Lux even angrier that she'd been stuck in foster care with no one to take care of her for fifteen years.

Anger and resentment consumed Lux. She was so angry all the time. Even when she'd been in foster care, Lux had never felt this way. She'd been hit and hit on. She'd always felt unwanted. Still, she'd never known rage like this before in her life.

Why was she so angry with the one person who had treated her better than anyone else ever had? Lux didn't fully understand why she felt the way she did.

When she was being logical, she knew it wasn't fair to take it out on Cate. Cate couldn't have known that Lux wouldn't be adopted. She knew she shouldn't have outed Cate the other night. But, Lux had a hard time looking at it logically when emotions were running this high.

Cate had given her away when she was a baby, Lux knew. And Lux didn't know if Cate wanted her now. Confusion overwhelmed her.

How could Cate take care of her, act so concerned that she'd been out in the cold one minute and then give her an ultimatum the next? It didn't make sense. Lux was too tired to try to make sense out of it.

It would be so easy to let Cate take care of her. To go to sleep in her own bed in the attic bedroom Cate had decorated for her. Lux wanted to do that, but how could she do that knowing Cate might not want her there?

Cate knocked lightly on the door. "Lux? I put clean clothes on your bed."

"Thanks!" Lux called.

Cate nodded even though Lux couldn't see her. She leaned against the wooden door. Taking care of her daughter felt so natural. Cate couldn't believe how fast maternal instinct had kicked in. She just wished her daughter would stop fighting her and let her take care of her.

Lux could have gotten hypothermia. Or worse. Cate wouldn't have been able to live with herself if Lux had gotten sick because she gave her a stupid ultimatum. Why couldn't she do anything right when it came to her daughter? She was trying so hard and it still felt like everything she did was wrong.

Lux wrapped a fluffy towel around her and climbed the attic stairs. Yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt were folded neatly on her bed. She dressed in the comfortable clothes.

Cate heard the bath water draining. She made Lux a cup of hot chocolate and took it up to her. She knocked lightly on the floorboard before entering the attic.

Lux accepted the steaming mug and allowed Cate to wrap a quilt around her. Cate studied her daughter. Lux looked exhausted.

"Where's Baze?" Lux asked.

"He, uh, went home," Cate replied.

"What?" Lux asked angrily. "He told me I could stay with him."

Cate's face fell. She nodded slowly. "If you don't want to be with me, you can stay with Baze."

Letting Lux leave was the hardest thing Cate would ever do. How could Lux actually prefer to live with Baze? His apartment looked and smelled like a frat house. He didn't know how to be a parent. He acted more immature than Lux. Cate would give Lux anything. She wanted to give Lux everything. But it wasn't enough. Nothing she did was ever enough for the teen.

Lux nodded curtly.

"Lux, just tell me what I did wrong," Cate said, her tone pleading.

Lux stared at Cate. "It's not your fault. I know it's not your fault. It's mine. I'm the one that lied to everyone. I'm the one that messed everything up."

"Then why are you leaving? Why didn't you come home?" Cate asked.

Tears stung Lux's eyes. "Because you didn't want me to," she said quietly.

"What?" Cate asked. She stared at her daughter, trying to make eye contact.

Lux stared at the ground. She didn't want Cate to see the tears in her eyes. "You said you couldn't do this anymore. It wasn't working. You-"

"No. I said it wasn't working like this," Cate corrected. "_Because_ you keep leaving. It's just, it feels like you don't want to be with me.

Lux shook her head. "Cate, that's not true at all. All I've ever wanted is to be with you."

Cate looked at Lux through watery eyes. She hugged her daughter, rubbing Lux's back gently.


End file.
